I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
