I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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