Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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