Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
