and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
