I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i think i have two assholes
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
