no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
