Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize