Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
