Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The power of my boobs compel you
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize