I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
should my penis look like a turkey
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
