Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
