maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
