Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
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