Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
