you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
