She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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