hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
