maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Congratulations! We have a period
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
