dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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