God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
