South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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