Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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