the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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