Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
