We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize