you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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