well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
