Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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