I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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