Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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