i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
