he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I supernannyed him into submission
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
