Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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