Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize