how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
