As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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