He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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