The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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