in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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