Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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