its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
