I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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