She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
