Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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