the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
