Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
