Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
