Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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