My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
