Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
