we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
