D3 body, D1 cock
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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