i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
