how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
