I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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