I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
