About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
