I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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